| Monday, March 27th, 2006 |
| 3:46 am |
4 am is the new 11 and rambling to myself is what we now call productivity fuck yeah! good night/day folks! Current Mood:  okay |
| Saturday, February 11th, 2006 |
| 6:15 am |
i keep on talking to black freemasons who come in at mongo one day im going to have met enough of them to get into the prince hall chapter and then i will develop plans to take over the world with black people Gifts given to me by black mystics and freemasons: warm friendly conversations( sometimes heated ones) a hand shake( to test my knowledge of the Kraft, in which i failed miserably) knowledge of the brotherhood t-shirts confirmation that islam is admired in the upper realms of the masons affirmation that there are like minded people out there who believe in brotherhood 10-15% tip yessssssssss! its the simple pleasures of life like good conversation that wake me up and make me feel good Current Mood:  and content |
| Saturday, February 4th, 2006 |
| 12:32 am |
its me again
maybe god grants us thing at the right time and the right moment without us fully recognizing it. what are the factors in my life that have come into being? and how have they facilitated in my being's improvement according to the purest of wills? i never ask this and i should be constantly, i think with that i can find something good in everything and every moment. what is the silver lining? what does it take to become enthralled and elated? contantly- because its those moments that make me remember. on the flip side of this coin comes the times of pure misery and disenchantment- loathing. what does it take to become enthralled again by everyday life- is mediocrity always so fucking disenchanting? Current Mood:  rejected |
| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 |
| 5:08 am |
i cant sleep
nothings worse than feeling uncomfortable in your own bed what the fuck...i use to love my bed but tonight it sucks its 5am and i have work in about 4 and half hours none of you care...i dont even know why im writing this i wrote my unofficial will tonight ... i know kinda creepy but it had to be done. So if any of you remember, i have my last wishes stored on my computer. Don't worry, i was quite chipper when i wrote it. now im just effing tired i need some pot. i need a lot of things. i need friends who will listen to me. i need to speak more coherently first. i need to stop writing in livejournal. I just decided its gonna be an all nighter Current Mood: and sleepless |
| Sunday, January 15th, 2006 |
| 7:43 pm |
and so it begins
I watched a friend get married today, it was a happy moment for her, probably the best she'll ever have. I'm happy for her. on a sadder note... i continue to stand alone, i have no one to even talk to anymore, everyone and everything is so far away. Very few things matter and even those of which i tend to question. And so it begins Current Mood: pessimistic |
| Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 |
| 6:25 am |
can you say self fulfilling prophecy>?just found this in my yahoo mail files
To bert from me about a year and ? a while ago Here are some ideas that have been poking around in my head for a story plot. Now a few of these are a bit off the wall and maybe even sci-fi ish, but I think they could maybe have the workings of a good story line. My first idea is about a young adult (17 turning 18) who literally brainwashes himself through music, literature (new age occultism) friends, family, and other aspects of his life to believe that he is some sort of messenger of God. He sees the world through a narrow pointed view of duality. Good and evil are within everything he sees, pinning against one another for the possession of his soul. Entertaining the idea that he is the last prophet sent by God, to either redeem earth of its sins, or to perish it forever into the abyss of perpetuated doom. It is all up to him. He eventually dismisses the idea towards the end and realizes that everyone’s soul is a deciding factor in this war of good versus evil and that everything is GOD. Have you ever heard of Obsessive Compulsive disorder? It is a disorder in the brain that makes you feel unsafe or insecure unless a certain set daily rituals are fulfilled. Well my second story is about that type of urge, a sense of restlessness. What if the world just started one day to slowly ignore the social norms (whether good or bad) and just started to work out of their ID. No sense of Ego or superego at all. It begins with a trickle at first, like a constant full moon looming over the masses. Murders, rape, incest, and you name it, rising exponentially. No guilt, no shame, no sorrow for the deeds. The world has gone to hell in a hand basket (whatever that means) Even the most righteous people in the world start acting out their unconscious desires. (The early day Gnostics once believed that by fulfilling their worldly desires, they could eventually get it out of their system and move on to higher levels of existence, but this is not the case) With the world in ruins and the fabric of society torn apart, several generations after the “great ruin”, people slowly regain their superegos and egos and begin to live again in fear of their actions, and the cycle of repression begins again. Well what do you think? No, no acid in my tap water. Just a lot of it piled up at the base of my spine. Could be interesting eghh….these stories could go a long way as far as a story line, with many twists and turns. Just thought ID share though- peace Yeah you can erase this now bert Current Music: radiohead |
| Sunday, January 1st, 2006 |
| 6:56 am |
i went back to flint for the new years i don't know if it was the shrooms but fucken cheese and rice- im gonna be ok...im gonna be ok. Current Mood:  i feel like i love life |
| Sunday, December 25th, 2005 |
| 10:49 pm |
i have about five days to quit smoking....as of the first...done...right? Current Mood: blankCurrent Music: tori amos |
| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 |
| 2:05 am |
taoists dont consider lifes dilemas as a hinderance rather, they view it as simply being "the way" neither right nor wrong it just "is" the common westernized mindset complicates the way is either his/her way or its the wrong way "why do i not want the things i have,rather i meander over things in which i don't" is life not fair, only because our perception says so or is it just the way it is and nothing else why can't we easily accept the fact that it just is? fucken fuck fuck fuck fuck thats my rant Current Mood: drained |
| Sunday, November 20th, 2005 |
| 12:01 am |
song of the week
Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations So they may have a chance of finding a place where they’re far more suited than here Current Mood: groggyCurrent Music: death cab |
| Wednesday, November 16th, 2005 |
| 1:24 pm |
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| Saturday, November 12th, 2005 |
| 5:10 pm |
recipe for deliciousness
orrieciete pasta + goat cheese + chicken breasts + heavy whipping cream + cranberries + fresh sage leaves + granulated garlic + white wine = equals one happy chinaman Current Mood: calm |
| Friday, November 4th, 2005 |
| 9:05 am |
lifes too short Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: tool |
| 3:13 am |
maybe its just me...but beneath the surface... a lot of people just don't care Current Mood: blah |
| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 |
| 12:37 am |
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| Saturday, October 29th, 2005 |
| 11:22 pm |
i just displayed to myself how f-ing lame i can be... nothing can be so depressing and funny at the same time Current Mood:  embarrassed |
| 12:49 pm |
ive got to admit its getting better
top ten list six feet under (the series on hbo) interpol the photolab jodi car illuminatus (the book by robert anton wilson) myspace potential models potential full time work hope Current Mood: hopefulCurrent Music: interpol obstacle 1 |
| Thursday, October 27th, 2005 |
| 2:58 pm |
im working at mongoloids again!...never thought id be happy to say that. this month has to be the worst fucking month ive had in a while....i feel completly useless....depressed. The whole nine. thank god for the Photolab to keep me sain. |
| Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 |
| 1:22 am |
FNORD
just when you think you know it all. this chaos drives you deeper. the mind is full of secrets. We cannot for an instant even actualize the power of it all. LET ALONE IN OTHERS. An infinite source of emotions cannot be summed up by a single average thought. The chaos may form a partial image...which then forms into ideas...which then forms into words.....and somehwere inside the mess in which you gain acknowledgment, we become diluted in ignorance and illusion. To know is such a ignorant word. To be is so much easier if you try. The point is is that we don't know anything,even the very thing in which we don't know is vague and uninterpretable. Chaos is chaos, without form. And to try and rationlize is to formulate a piece into a further abstraction. To know means nothing, as hyporcrytical and pretentious as i may be sounding in your mind. FNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORD FNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORD Current Mood:  confused |
| Sunday, October 16th, 2005 |
| 11:23 pm |
this must be the part in the movie where it cuts off and fasts fowards about 10 years ahead to see how im doin |
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